Saturday, August 28, 2010

New Blood.

Travis went in yesterday to get his shot and a blood transfusion.
Another day of sitting in the room with people much older then him, and us wondering 'how did we get here?'
And another day for poor T to spend just sitting in the hospital.
2 hours on Thursday.
5.5 hours on Friday.

He's a lucky, lucky man. ;)

Things went well though, and I think his coloring is much improved.
And he went golfing today and felt like a little bit of his power was back, and that my friends,
is very good news.

The anemia is caused by his medicine, not really by lack of something in his diet. The hope is that now he will be boosted up to his normal self, and stay that way. We don't really want him to have to get more transfusions if we can help it.

Thursday he will go in for another x-ray to see if that darned fluid is back, so I will let you all know as things progress.

Thanks for checking in.
It's always appreciated!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Another Thursday Report.

For the love.

I'm sick of this blog.
I mean, I love you all,
but my goal is to not have to write on this blog, for like, a week.
I wont miss it.

Is that too much to ask?

Trav went in for his treatment today, and his blood work looks worse.
He's pretty anemic.
I guess for the past 4 weeks his blood work has looked progressively worse.

The Dr. actually asked if he was feeling really tired, and when Trav said he was doing OK the Doc told him he is "tougher then he thought."

So now Trav is feeling a little bit like he's Superman. I mean, to hear that he is tough from a Doctor is good stuff.

Tomorrow he has to go in and get a blood transfusion and a shot of procrit. They are hoping to get him back to his 'just below normal' self.

He gets to spend 4 hours at the hospital.
Don't be jealous.

We both are really hoping this will help him get some energy back.
And honestly, we are both feeling a little sick of the weekly stress that keeps on coming.
Feeling a little knocked down and just hoping that next week things look a little better.

I want to add that for all the crap I give him, I think he's Superman too. To know that he must be just exhausted each day, and to still work full time, take care of the kids and me, and have such a good attitude about it all makes me love him even more.

He's a good man. And he could use your prayers, and good vibes.
Thanks in advance!

Friday, August 20, 2010

A Little Update:

I'm sick of updating this blog, and longing for the days when we were just hanging out, pretending T wasn't sick, and getting decent scans.

Isn't it just so sad, and slightly pathetic when you long for they days of just plain old stage 4 cancer?

Here's the latest.
Trav went in for his x-ray yesterday, and today we learned that there is no new fluid in his pluera.

But because Trav is a drama queen who is really enjoying all this attention, he had to go and throw another question mark into the mix, and I'm unsure if we should be worried, or not.

He is really anemic.
Which I believe is normal for most cancer patients, but not normal for T.
Usually he is slightly, but right now it sounds pretty bad.

Today they are running some blood work and I think they are hoping to figure out why.
I'm hoping it's just a fluke, and they can give him a shot, and it will be no biggie.

We will see I guess.
I'm hoping the Dr. will call today, but he may not till tomorrow. I will update as soon as I know anything.

He will have another x-ray on his chest in 2 weeks to check his pleura again.

And tonight I will be feeding him steak. ;)

Thanks for everything!

Thursday, August 12, 2010


I can honestly say that the last 2 days have been the longest 2 days of my life.

And can happily tell you that no cancer cells were found in the fluid.
Deep sigh of relief.

Now we wait, and see if it comes back.
Trav will go in next week and check the fluid via chest x-ray.

Our hope is that there wont be any, and it wont come back.
If it does, then he will have a 'procedure' done to hopefully rid him for good.

So again, cross any crossable body parts in the hopes that the darn fluid is gone. for. good.

I also want to say thank you to the many people who have texted, prayed, fasted, called, visited, and e-mailed. It's been humbling and overwhelming. And we have felt so thankful. Last night we had a friend, who had no idea what was going on, feel inspired to come check on the Kidman family. It's a testimony builder for us to have so many of you on our side.

You all are amazing.

I also feel a little embarrassed. It seems we've been really lucky whenever we hit these scary moments, we end up getting fairly decent news. But I worry that many of you are wondering why we freak out, so often. The truth is that we have just been really lucky. The statistics for Trav's cancer, and his stage of cancer, are really-really ugly. The fact that things have gone so well for so long is a miracle. The fact that things haven't progressed or changed is a miracle. We are so thankful for that. But we are also very aware that we need to be prepared for the worst case, because in most cases, it happens sooner rather then later. So we aren't just being dramatic, (I wish we were). It is scary, and awful, and crappy all at the same time. I know that most of you already know that, but just want you to know that all your prayers are for a reason. We have needed them, and appreciated them, and will continue to do so.

We are very blessed, and so thankful to you all.

And I hope this makes sense because I haven't slept in 2 days.
And I'm tired.

Goodnight. ;)

Tuesday, August 10, 2010


Tonight while researching about the surgery Trav may have to face, we also learned how scary pleural effusion is if it has metastasized.

We knew it was scary, but the prognosis is much more then scary.
Like a life expectancy of 6 months scary.

Tomorrow our family, and friends are fasting. If you'd like to join us, we would appreciate it.
We are really praying for good news on Thursday!

Roller Coaster.

The Dr. called today to give us a little update. Our conversation felt a little bit like our life feels right now. Up, down, up, down, up...down.

UP: The pathologist hasn't been able to find any cancer cells.
DOWN: Yet. He is running even more tests. We should know more on Thursday.
UP: The were able to get most of the fluid out, and only a very small amount remains.
DOWN: They are pretty positive that even though they haven't found any cancer cells yet, it is %100 happening because of the cancer, and not because of the radiation. We were really hoping that it was just a fluke side effect of the radiation.
UP: It seems the Dr. was a bit concerned that the fluid was going to change some of the mets to his lungs, but his chest x-ray looks the same.
DOWN: He will now have to get chest x-rays every 2 weeks to see if the fluid is returning.
DOWN: If the fluid comes back he will have to have surgery.
DOWN: Painful surgery.
DOWN: Checking online it seems that best case he will have to stay in the hospital for 4 days.
DOWN: Worst case? Up to 2 weeks.
UP: He may not have to have surgery. If that darn fluid stays away.
UP: You are all praying it will stay away. And crossing toes and fingers. Do it. Now. :)
DOWN: When I asked the Dr. how concerned we should be, he admitted to be concerned himself. I do not like it when the Dr. worries. Like, not at all.

Do you notice more DOWNS then UPS? Me too. I really am praying that Thursday changes all that.

We feel a little deflated tonight. And worried. And bummed.
Can I tell you how much we hate cancer?
It's a lot, like an unmentionable amount.

I feel bad that T is in pain already, and may have to deal with a painful surgery. I feel bad that he has to go through it all. I feel a little bit bad for myself that I can't do anything to help him, and I don't know how to change it. I feel a little selfish because I am pouting about things that may not happen (like that trip we want to book, right now). I feel a little smacked around. Mostly I just miss worrying about things like when we are gonna find time to mow the lawn, what my hair looks like, and what shoes go with what shirt. I miss the small stuff feeling like big stuff.

(Does that make any sense?)

Anyhow, here is a quick video that will make you smile after my whiny post. Your gonna find yourself singing it all night long.

Thanks again for checking in!


Friday, August 6, 2010


This afternoon Travis went in for his thoracentesis.
And we are so glad it is done.
I'm not gonna lie, it was scary.
And really, really gross.

The first doctor came in and did an ultrasound to see how big the 'pockets of fluid' were. Then he proceeded to tell us the possible side effects of the procedure.
Collapsed lungs.
Punctured lungs.
Lots of blood.

Then you sign the paper giving them your ok.

Then the Dr. who actually does the procedure comes in, and repeats possible complications, and does a great job of terrifying you.

I don't think I've ever been so nervous. Seriously, I was nauseously nervous. And have decided I am pretty much a pessimist and just know that the worst case will happen when it comes to T's luck.

But things went really well. They were able to pull almost a sickly 1/2 liter of fluid out of him, and there weren't any complications.

His back is pretty sore now, but i think that will go away quickly, and we are hoping that removing that fluid will help ease a little bit of the pain in his rib. We are wondering if that was putting added pressure there, and hopefully it will help!

They have sent the fluid to the pathologist who will now determine whether the fluid is cancerous, or caused from something else.

We obviously are praying that it's not more cancer. (You are too, right?) And we are crossing our fingers that the radiation he had in May has somehow just caused this fluid to build up. Either way, the pathologist should be able to tell why it's there, what it is, and where it is coming from.

So again, we wait. And again, we ask for your prayers.
Do you get sick of us asking you for favors?
We hope you all know how thankful we are that we have friends we are able to ask, and ask, and ask.

We love ya.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

The skinny.

(That massive stack of papers on the Dr.'s desk is Trav's enormous file).

My goodness it's been a long day. It started off with a phone call that Sienna, who slept at Grandmas with all of her cousins, was throwing up. So I guess when your day starts like that, it can only go up, right?

Anywhoo, we met with the Dr. this afternoon and he shed some light on whats going on inside my mans body.

The doctor said he actually didn't have any growth on the spot on his rib, but the muscles around the rib are really swollen, (which may have been why we read it wrong?) He also said some of the cells around that area are dead, which is actually good news showing us that the radiation at least did something.

He was pleased that his liver is clean. His lung mets are the same, and his remaining kidney is stable, but he also doesn't really like the fluid in his lungs.

Tomorrow he will go in for a thorancentisis, which is basically them sticking a needle in his chest and draining the fluid. They will send it to a pathologist to see exactly what it is, and we will go from there. Darn fluid.

Travis has been doing his treatments a little off protocol. Normally with his drug it is a treatment every single week. But we have kind of pushed for 3 weeks on and 1 week off, mostly because doing this every week for almost 3 years was a lot for T to take. The longer he goes with each treatment the worse he feels, so a week off is like a little slice of heaven. His cankers clear up, and he finds a little energy. Well, because of the pleural effusion, the Dr. has decided he would like Travis to go for 8 straight weeks on, and then get another scan and see whats going on. If the fluid is back, or there are any other changes in his hot spots, we will have to try another treatment option.

It's my opinion that the drug we are using has worked for him thus far, and I'd really like for him to be able to continue. We know the side effects, and it has managed to keep him stable for quite a long time (for kidney cancer, at least).

Trying something new frankly, terrifies me. I remember the wait for his first scan after he started using Torisel (the drug he is using now), and would really not like to have that kind of anxiety again! :) The plus side to a new treatment is that some are given in pill form, which would be awesome for T. No more weekly hour(s) long session at the cancer center would be good for his moral.

So to sum up: (I'm very long winded tonight, yes?) Tomorrow he will get rid of the fluid. It should go smoothly, and not be too scary. That being said we are both a little scared. Cause even thought it should go smoothly, they are sticking a needle in his chest.... You are planning on praying for us, aren't you? ;) Then treatments for 8 weeks, and another scan to see how things look. Let's hope for no growth and no fluid.

Today I was very humbled and grateful for the many phone calls and texts and messages I received. We can't express our thanks enough. It calms our fears to have so many people who care and who put up with us and our roller coaster lifestyle.

I'm going to spend tonight wishing this nightmare called cancer away, but will wake up ready to face it all again, and am glad that you all face it with us.

I'll post tomorrow about how the fluid removal went (I'm calling it fluid removal because I can't remember the technical term, awesome).

Thanks all.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Results read by the Kidmans

Well, Travis picked up his results today, so we still haven't got the official word, but here is what we know.

Kidney-1 cm bigger :(
Rib-8 x 5 cm BIGGER?

If your thinking What? He had radiation on his rib, it's supposed to be better!?
Join the club.
We are not happy.
If you remember they did really, really high doses in his rib hoping that it would stop spreading in his rib, and maybe, hopefully get rid of it. And the radiation has made it hurt.
Like a lot.
Like so much that right now he is laying on the couch unable to find a comfy position, and there is moaning and squinting involved.

So a lot of pain, for no results.
Freaking Boo.

I'm really, very curious to see what the good doc says tomorrow. My fear is that he will want us to try one of his 3 other options. And with other options comes new side effects, and an even more scary situation.

I do not like.
But again, that's just me speculating. He may just want to keep on rolling with his drug treatment. Who knows?

We will tomorrow, I hope.

And we are aware of how miraculous it is that everything else is staying stable. So we are mad, and thankful all at once.
Get used to it.

Another cause of concern that was found on his scan, (and again, remember we are doing the reading here, so forgive me if tomorrow you hear another story), is that he has a pleural effusion. Which from what we've read is fluid building up between his lungs and rib. Common in lung cancer patients.

I really do not like.
And am more then a little worried, which is the downside to reading a scan without a dr.
He might look at me tomorrow and be all "it's nothing to worry about", and I've been worried. So I guess we will just wait and see.

Still love me friends, if next time you see me I'm in my pj's and have gained 30 lbs.

Thank you all for continued prayers, and cross your fingers we are worrying for nothing! I really appreciate all the calls and texts from those of you who are waiting as anxiously as we are. It's so nice to have so many of you there for us!