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I've been sitting here trying to write this post for a while....

the words aren't coming.

Trav is rapidly getting sicker.

We really thought we'd have a little more time,

but the Lord has other plans.

We met with hospice yesterday and know our time is short.

This is rough.

Our sweet girls understand what is happening as much as they can.

We have always been very honest with them,

but these conversations are incredibly hard....

and there isn't a way to make them easier.

I'm trying to find the balance between being strong for them,

and letting them see that I'm aching as they are.

I wish, so much, that things were different and that we weren't facing

all this ugliness...

but then I'm reminded that we've been facing it for years now.

I'm so tired of watching Travis ache.

We've sugar coated a lot of the past few years,

but they've been extremely hard.

I'm tired of horrible side effects and bad news, and watching him waste away.

So we are accepting this knowing that he is going somewhere

where he will be himself again.

Where he wont hurt.

 That is an extreme comfort to me, and to the ladies.

A few years ago Travis and I were able to go to Spain,

where he served his LDS mission.

He was undergoing treatments, but doing incredibly well

at the time and felt good-and looked healthy.

 We took a bus to a city he spent a lot of his time in,

Aranjuez.

He loved this city and couldn't wait to show me around.

I will never, ever forget him jumping off the bus,

holding onto the backpack,

and walking so fast I had to beg his long legs to slow down so my short ones will keep up.

He looked like a 19 year old missionary to me then.

I remember snapping this quick picture because I thought

he looked so handsome, healthy, and so full of excitement and life. 

I wish you could see the look of joy on his face.

 This picture has brought me a lot of peace the past few

weeks.

I know, without a doubt, that this youthful, healthy Travis will

welcome me and my girls into heaven.

He will probably give me a big smooch and squeeze and he will 

swing those little ladies around in the air.

I can't wait for that day.

All these days in between...those are the hard days.

I'm full of anxiety and dread over the next few weeks and the things 

that we will have to face.

I hate to think of some of the hard things the girls will have to handle.

 I wonder if I can be the parent they need.

But we will take it one day at a time.

We are so grateful to those of you who continue to support our family.

We are blessed in every aspect of our lives,

from his care, work, to our neighborhood and family.

Thank you all for getting us through this hard time.