May 2, 1975-October 11, 2013

“The time of my departure is at hand. I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith.” 
(2 Tim. 4:6–7.) 


Friday October 11th, I lost my best friend.

I still feel really can't believe that he's gone.

And that I am a widow.

A widow?

On October 2nd

I wrote my last post about how time wasn't really on our side.

I thought we had a few weeks.

I never would have guessed 9 days later Travis would be gone.

Words can't express the emotions that I am going through.

That my amazing, incredible, courageous girls are going through.

That our entire family is going through.

 Now, more then ever,

I'm in awe of Trav's strength.

He fought, and fought.

Even when his mind was ready to go,

his body didn't know how to quit.

This past few weeks my home has been full of people who

love Travis.

 It became a boarding house for family members to come

and care for him.

And to say goodbye.

At all hours of the night you could find 

members of the Johnson family and The Kidman family

sitting around the table doing a puzzle, 

sharing memories,

or sitting by Travis holding his hand to comfort him,

and telling him it's okay to go.

 We laughed a lot.

We cried a lot.

And I feel as though we have bonded so closely,

a last gift from Travis.

I love him.

I miss him so much that I just ache inside.

But I also feel a sense of relief.

I feel as though I've mourned pieces of Travis over the past 2 years.

I mourned when his rib hurt so bad he had to stop golfing.

I mourned when he was finally to weak to pick up the girls.

I mourned when food stopped tasting good and he stopped enjoying eating.

I mourned every time his bedtime became earlier and his alarm went off later.

I mourned each night when I'd wake up to give him pain meds.

And I mourned every time he had to go to the Dr.

I've had a head start in this process.

My Travis has been lost piece by piece.

He has just been so sick.
I am grateful that he is free of pain.

That the next time I see him-he will be complete again.

And then,

well then we are gonna enjoy every second of our new life together.
I'm gonna squeeze him so tight and not worry about hurting him.
And those girls are gonna do the same.
I wish the time would fly by till then.

I am ready for us to heal.

It is no secret that our family has been loved in the past few years.

And in the past few weeks we have been blessed beyond measure.

We've had an abundance of food brought our way.

Beautiful flowers, words of love.

The day he passed our entire neighborhood, 

for blocks and blocks, 

was covered in orange.

Orange balloons and bows everywhere.

 Beautiful gifts for the girls left on the doorstep.

I've received so many texts and messages by email and facebook

that I will never be able to respond to them all.

The viewing was held Tuesday night.

I was most scared for this.

I hated having to bring the ladies to see there father this way.

But,

it was a healing night for us.

And such a reminder that the body, and the Spirit are two

completely different things.

I have no doubt that Trav's spirit is resting,

learning, playing, and watching over us.
I loved this scripture shared at his funeral from Enos 1:27
 “And I soon go to the place of my rest, which is with my redeemer; for I know that in him I shall rest. And I rejoice in the day when my mortal shall put on immortality and shall stand before him; then shall I see his face with pleasure, and he will say unto me: Come unto me, ye blessed, there is a place prepared for you in the mansions of my Father.”

As I drove home in a state of exhaustion that night,

I was moved to tears and I found lanterns lighting up my

entire home.

It was a beautiful thoughtful gesture and it warmed my heart immensely.

 I was touched by how many people came to support our family.

Every single person who came reminded me that we will be ok,

because we are loved.

The funeral was held Wednesday (yesterday) morning.

I don't know how to describe my emotions adequately.

It was beautiful, peaceful, heartwarming, sad, and perfect all in one.

Everyone wore orange.

Orange ties must be sold out in our town.

The church was full of loved ones.

The music was breathtaking.

(My kids sang. I have never been so proud).

The speakers,

Two of Trav's dearest friends,

spoke the words we all needed to hear.

We laughed,

and then cried,

and then laughed again.

Travis would have loved it.

I had so much help with the viewing and the funeral that

I would think of something and it would literally already be done.

I am so grateful.

I really wish I could express just how deep my gratitude goes.

I feel like I have an army of people wanting to help.

I hope I am always reminded of this time,

and will remember to be better in the future.

So here we are,

trying to find our new normal.

I'm not gonna lie,

I'm scared.

Can I be the mom they need?

And how can I do this without my T?

 And how can I get my kids through this?

But I guess we will see..

because we have no choice.

Thank you all for the support you 've shown

as Trav fought his fight.

He loved you all.

He loved all the support we had,

and I think he knew we'd be ok once he moved 

on because that support wont end.

He wasn't a man of many words,

but he told me many, many times how thankful he was.

We have angels surrounding us,

and an army of angels in heaven guiding us,

and I know Trav is leading the charge.

Here is a link to the obituary. 

 

Thanks again to everyone for your love and support.

We love our TRAVSTRONG family.

 

 

The tree that never had to fight 
 For sun and sky and air and light,  
But stood out in the open plain  
And always got its share of rain,  
Never became a forest king  
But lived and died a scrubby thing. 

The man who never had to toil  
To gain and farm his patch of soil,  
Who never had to win his share  
Of sun and sky and light and air,  
Never became a manly man  
But lived and died as he began. 

Good timber does not grow with ease:  
The stronger wind, the stronger trees; 
 The further sky, the greater length;  
The more the storm, the more the strength.  
By sun and cold, by rain and snow, 
 In trees and men good timbers grow. 

Where thickest lies the forest growth, 
 We find the patriarchs of both.  
And they hold counsel with the stars  
Whose broken branches show the scars 
 Of many winds and much of strife. 
 This is the common law of life.