Monday, March 12, 2012


I don't wanna be a downer.
But this is hard.
Travis fakes that he is doing ok pretty well.
He looks healthy.
He smiles a lot.
And if you ask how he is feeling,
he will flat out lie to you.

He is not doing ok.
He is in an awful lot of pain.

If he is finally able to sleep,
he groans cause it hurts.
Or he wakes up drenched in sweat,
but mostly he just lays there trying
to get comfortable.
I'm not sure when his
last night of decent sleep was.

For some reason the past few
weeks things have gotten harder
and harder.
Besides the rib pain,
his chest and back hurt quite a bit.
And he has absolutely no appetite.
Eating is hard for him.

Finding the balance of trying to keep
things normal is getting harder.
Trying to be happy in front of the girls
is getting harder.

Life in general is
getting harder.

I'm so bummed that
the pain shots he had a few
weeks ago did nothing for him.
It hurts my heart to see him in pain.

He spoke to the Dr. in Salt Lake who
will start his treatments next week
and she has requested that he go get
another chest x-ray to see what the
heck is going on in there....
So he's getting that done today
and I'm hoping there will be an
answer to what we do next.

I hate the thought of him
starting IL-2 feeling this awful,
because let's face it...
it's just gonna get worse next week.

I've known for years that there
would come a day when we'd have to
really face this,
instead of skirt around it,
but never knew how awful it would be.

Please pray that the IL-2 works for him.
Please pray that he finds some comfort.
Please pray that the Doctors can figure out how to help him.
And pray that our cute little ladies will feel like life is good...

And pray that I don't lose my mind too, if you'd like.
We continue to appreciate all that is done for us,
even if this post sounds a bit whiny!
We don't take any of it for granted.


Haylee Munk Brown said...

I don't think it's whiny at all. You are a strong woman, and you have a strong husband. How lucky your kids are to have such great role models. Many prayers and hugs your way.

Goodwin Family said...

Oh Hayley, it's so hard to watch the ones you love be in pain. I know how helpless you feel. Does Travis like foot rubs? I learned a lot about foot reflexology and was able to help Tom at least relax a little by doing it. Is Trav taking any meds to help him sleep? The Docs at the HCH Pain Clinic were really helpful with both Tom's pain and sleep issues. We met with them often and they were very in tune with what he needed. These might be lame ideas, but I'm just trying to throw out a few things that were helpful to us. Hang in there, you're doing a great job. Please let me know what I can do.

KIRSTEN said...

Hayley, my heart is aching for you and your cute little family. Hope something is figured out asap

Hanne and Fam said...

We continue to pray you guys and we won't ever stop. I don't think you sound whiny. You guys have been through a lot so far and are so strong. We love you guys!

Jenny said...

You are NOT whiny! And even if you were, you have every right to whine! You are both amazing! You have no idea what an example you are to everyone you are around and us blog stalkers that you never see. Please know so many are thinking of you and praying and hoping for the best.

Jamie said...

Oh hayley... I am much more whiny and I have nothing to whine about:/ I am praying and praying for you and Travis and those lovely little ladies:)

Eileen said...

My heart just hurts for all of you! I love you. I hate cancer!

Watkins said...

Hayley, I find myself thinking about you and Travis and the girls many times during the day wishing that there was something I could say or do to help you! You are so strong and I marvel at how you face this trial. Please remember that you and Travis and the girls are in our prayers. Please remember that you are loved! And please, if you need to go to Christina's house or if she can help you in any way while you are at Huntsman, let me know.

Trisha said...

I am in tears because my heart just hurts for you. I hate cancer!

Anonymous said...

Howdy! I have ya'll on my mind and in my prayers constantly and just wanted to say hi! I think on a childs level so here goes my thoughts... T-so touching to see the way Trav lets his little ladies climb all over him and snuggle him in church even when he doesn't feel well (yes we're all watching how cute they are), so tender to see the way Hay & Trav look at each other & smile (what a love), teaching us all through your faith and example. R- really strong (both of you are amazing)! A-are you doing alright? You both have awesome attitudes through this awful trial. V- you are VERY loved! We are all praying for VICTORY over cancer. I- If I could take it all away I would. Icky, Icky cancer. I'm always here for you. S- such a support (Hayley, you are one srong woman, always positive,thinking of others, there with a smile,sooo special to us all, so strong, so sweet, so loved!!! :) Steph