Wednesday, June 12, 2013

CABO-The worst named drug ever.

Well, 
we've resumed CABO.

I'll say it again,
the name is misleading and just wrong.
It should be named 
Pocatello.
Or Mesquite?

I don't think I'll ever vacation to CABO.
This drug has ruined me.

I mentioned in our last post that we 
were gonna try again,
and pray that the side effects stayed minimal.

A week ago Monday Travis got his Stint replaced in his Kidney,
and the next day he took his first dose.
 We've opted to do 5 days on, and 2 off...
mostly so we had something to look forward to.

 "Come Friday night you don't have to take a pill!"

It gets him through.

Anyhow, the first 3 days weren't that bad.
Just some serious nausea...
but he was able to snap out of it by 12ish and work the afternoons.

He took the weekend off and then resumed again Sunday night.

Monday morning it was apparent that this week wasn't gonna be easy.
He wakes up to SEVERE nausea.
And it may lessen a bit, but it doesn't really go away.

Along with the nausea, there is some pretty back bone aches.
We knew they could come with this drug,
but they are lessening and are making life pretty tough on T.
 And then there are the stomach issues.
The pain is different then the enteritis,
but it's there all the same.
 This makes eating tough.
He's very thin.
And dropping weight rapidly, and that's worrisome for me.
 In this week alone he dropped 6 lbs.
 (On a less serious note:  I stress eat.  I'm thinking we aren't so evenly matched!)
He hasn't been able to go in to work all week,
which is a whole different post.

I  have tried to make our cancer blog upbeat, and happy,
but mostly I want it to be honest and accurate,
and so I'm done apologizing for it being a downer.
 Because it's just how it is right now.

I wake up every morning and ready the ladies for the day,
and wait for Travis to wake up to see what the day will be like.
 Most mornings, he drags himself to the couch fighting the urge to throw up.
Most of the time his coloring is off, and it's obvious that he is fighting 
about 5 different ailments.

At some point he rallys and is able to shower,
but somedays, he doesn't quite make it.
I get it,
at some point you just call the day a loss and hope for a better tomorrow.

During this time,
I'm trying to make him as comfortable as possible,
and nagging the crap out of him to eat,
and doing my best to ensure the ladies are still having a good summer...
and it's overwhelming for all of us.
I get just a little envious of people who are out doing summery things!

The other day I went to a wedding shower for about a half hour and realized
that was the first time I've seen my friends in a solid month.
(This isn't a complaint, there is no where I'd rather be then taking care of Travis,
but man, our life has changed!)

So here we are again,
trying to make some tough choices.
Do we give up a drug that is potentially working and extending life,
but also makes him feel more like he's dying then living?
Or does he keep on this path?
We have a few more options that we could try,
but they are pretty much like ones we've tried before,
that have failed...so the odds of them working aren't great.
And most likely, they will put him on dialysis.
We got his blood drawn today and will have a little
chat with the Dr. tomorrow to make some of these tough 
choices.

I have no words to express how hard it is to watch Travis suffer.
It's unfair.
I'd do just about anything to take him out
for a day of fun and no pain,
and just wish I could make it go away.
We are well aware of how tough our future is,
and we've known for a long time of what we may 
someday face...
but man,
I don't think anything really prepares you for how hard the entire battle can be.
 I wish for ignorance sometimes. :)

We have appreciated those who have really been there for us 
the past few months as it seems, we've been thrown more curve balls then we'd care for.
We have many who text daily just to see what they can do for him,
and it's just nice to know that while people may not completely understand,
they still know what's going on.
We also are appreciative of friends who understand why I am lacking in many areas right now.
Someday I will remember every bday again...and I'll make dinners when others are sick,
and I'll offer to watch your kids for a change!
We are so grateful for those who understand our shortcomings right now!

Tonight you can pray for a better day tomorrow and
for some help making the tough choices we have ahead.

We love our TRAVSTRONG family!

Also,
This is being held for our family next week.
I feel completely awkward writing about it,
but the amazing people who are running it have spent a whole
lot of time for us,
and we are so grateful.
If you are coming,
they would love for you to get tickets early..so they know how
many to plan on.  I don't want this to be any more stressful to them then it already has been!
xoxo



5 comments:

Jill Drysdale said...

Hayley even when you say your being a downer I still see your posts as inspirational. I pray for sunny days for your family. Life is too short. I'm sorry for how Travis is suffering it makes me sick to imagine it and then I think how you must feel. Keep god close to you at all times and he will watch over you even at times like this when it seems he can't be there. You are loved and your family is loved. TRAVSTRONG!

Watkins said...

I wish I could help take away the pain for Travis and the pain you feel watching him suffer. You are an amazing lady and I hope you know that you are loved and admired beyond words by this lady! Being a caregiver and watching the one you love most in the world go through this horrible journey is a job that no one fully understands! Please know that you are continually in my prayers and my thoughts.

Billye Sue said...

-Pray that the Kidman's find inspiration in their decisions today.

Check!

Love you guys!

Billye Sue said...

- Pray that the Kidman's find inspiration in their decisions today.

Check!

Love you!!

Mortons Love said...

First... I did a literal lol at mesquite or pocatello! Good stuff. Not that this is at all funny...sorry.

You are right most of us don't have any idea what it is really like for you and your family! We can imagine and empathize, but really only you know. That alone is hard. I'm sorry for that!

Cancer is crappy. Cancer sucks. Cancer is a big fat s#$%hole. It is NOT fair. And I am so sorry!!!

You are beautiful and brave and just as much a fighter as Travis is!!! I know you'll keep fighting!

Love you all!!!