Sunday, November 25, 2012

{Sutent Round 5]

We made it through another round.
But barely.

Wow, this one was rough!

I used to feel like I could write a blog post
with a pretty upbeat outlook.

And I feel a little bit like a downer now.

Sutent is rough.
And doesn't seem to get better over time.
So forgive me for sounding whiny,
or blue, or reeaaaallly tired.

I'm going for honesty instead.

This round was particularly hard on Travis
and we are now into his first off week and 
he still isn't bouncing back completely.
We were so looking forward to 2 weeks of him feeling
good, and we are moving onto week 2 and he hasn't really
had too many good days yet.
Praying this next week is a good one!

It was also a different round,
and it's hard to explain why it was so bad-
it isn't just one complaint or ailment that
makes it rough.

He wakes up most mornings after a stomach cramp filled,
very stuffed up,
sleepless night and his eyes are practically swollen shut.
And the fatigue.
Oh the fatigue!
It's something different then just being a little tired.
It's like he could sleep for days on end and
still feel exhausted.
He pries himself out of bed,
and fights through his nausea most of the morning.
He's not able to eat and is lucky if he has an appetite by lunch.

And the cold.
Who knew that that side effect would be so troublesome?
It feels a good 20 degrees colder to him,
and takes twice as long for him to warm up.
He walks in the door and has to bundle up for a good hour
before he warms up. 
And then I force him to eat a little,
(remember, he has no appetite)...
and then he is pretty much down for the count.

It hasn't been a fun 4 weeks.
I miss him.
And he misses him.
And we all miss the way things once were around here.

I hate seeing him feel so crummy.
And he hates it even more I'm sure.

But we've learned to take it one day at a time.
And we make the best of 'good days'.
 And we even try to make the best of 
'bad days'.

The hardest part of all of this is we never know what's
'cancer caused' and what's 'side effect caused'.
 Like this little cough he has.
Is it a side effect?
Is it growth in his lungs?

Every time something small like that comes
up, my stomach drops in worry.

We should have answers to some of those
questions with a scan being scheduled soon.

Praying, so hard, that Sutent is still doing it's job.
I know we have so many praying with us.

I'm so grateful to have a husband who can feel
as awful as he does,
and still work every. single. day.
And still be an amazing Dad.
He is never too tired for his kids.
We are so lucky to have him.

I will post again when we know the date of the scan.
Thanks again to all of you who have brought in weekly 
dinners, and who bail me out whenever I'm in over my head.
Which is often.




Kari said...

Prayers for you and your family Hayley. I hope this next week is a good one.

Eileen said...

Sigh. You guys should have come to Arizona with us. It was WARM!
You make me appreciate so many things.
You are loved! You and Mr. T.

Watkins said...

Our prayers continue to be with you. I wish I could help make it better! You are such a beautiful person and have so much strength. You teach all of us through your love for Travis what love truly is! And you are loved!

Trisha said...

I can't even describe what I feel when I hear all that you are doing on a daily basis. I am so inspired by you and am continually praying for the best results possible. I sure love ya. Thanks for filling us in.

jmn said...

Love and more prayers for you.