Monday, August 4, 2014

{Just a little post}

It's just about 10 months since Travis passed away.

It seems very strange to me that he's been gone for that long...
And then sometimes it seems strange that 'it's only been 10 months.'

I ran into a dear friend the other day who told me she worries about
me and cries for me whenever she reads my blog.

I left feeling like I really needed to post this:

I'm doing good.
We are doing good.

The past few months especially have been healing for me, 
and for the girls too, I think.

Some of the struggles and concerns that have 
really plagued me since Travis died,
have just gone away.
I'm able to really focus on what's important,
remember really good and happy things,
and I'm able to show my kids that
 life is fun...
life is good...
and life is happy.

I'm proud of the 3 of us.

I don't want to pretend that we don't have hard days,
or days where we feel just not quite ourselves.
I imagine,
even 20 years down the road,
I will still have hard days.
Days where I'm angry that Travis suffered for such a long time,
and days where I'm angry that my sweet girls had to lose their Dad so young.
Days where I still miss him so deeply.

Travis will always be missed.
We think of him every day.
We miss him every day.

But tonight,
I sat outside watching Sienna play soccer in the yard while the breeze blew pretty strongly.
We came inside and all watched Disney channel,
said prayers and I tucked them in.
Sienna snuggled to her favorite zebra stuffed animal,
Adyson begged to read Percy Jackson.
I locked the doors,
stopped the sprinklers from running (because its raining!)
and when the house was quiet,
I was content.

We are adjusting,
and I'm proud of us.
So proud of my girls who make me smile every day.
They are special...so incredibly special, resilient, beautiful and happy.

Travis lives on in them.

So don't worry about us Kidman girls.
We've totally got this.

(Big ginormous hugs to those of you who've helped us overcome some of the ugly stuff,
and who will continue to be here when those blue days come our way.  We are so grateful to have the beautiful support system we have.)

3 comments:

The Kings said...

Glad you are doing okay :) xxxx

Vikki Jessen said...

Dear Hayley,
I've always been to amazed at the sheer # of people that are behind you and your sweet family. You are so blessed/fortunate/darn lucky to have such a wonderful network of family, friends, and acquaintances. You are an amazing person, and I really enjoy your posts. Well, maybe "enjoy" isn't the word I mean, because it hurts my heart to read of your struggles, yet at the same time you have a certain eloquence that touches me. I am lifted by your faith and strength, and honesty. I pray that when I'm in a difficult situation, I can remember your example. Love you, and your sweet girls, and your awesome parents!!

Matt Payne said...

I too think of you often. This is so good to hear. I love it, Trav lives on in them. you are amazing!!