{Tomorrow}

For the past million years that Trav's been fighting,

(OK, only 7. Whatever. Feels like MORE.)

I've been scouring the Internet for resources,

information, and actual people who are facing our same battles.

I've found a few message boards where people

discuss how they combat side effects,

clinical trials, and what they might do in your situation.

Some of these people know more then a lot 

of ONCs out there.  They are a smart, knowledgeable group,

 these RCC patients.

At first, I became obsessed with these boards,

and with each new update, or email,

I would read with a thirst. 

It wasn't good for me, or us.

There were too many deaths.

Too many really bad side effects.

Too many abnormal situations.

And I found myself thinking 'what if' way too much.

So I have stayed away.

Maybe that makes others in our situation find me a little naive

and not the best advocate for Travis, 

but to be a good mom, and wife, I have had to learn to trust

in our doctors, and our feelings about the drugs we were gonna use.

Last night,

for the first time in a few years,

I found myself searching these boards and sights again.

I just needed to know more about what we are facing when tomorrow comes.

I've learned not a lot of people are on this group of drugs

together.  And I've learned that interferon is gonna

be even tougher then we thought.

One person has compared her side effects to IL-2.

(rigors!)

And another has said it will feel like the worst flu he's ever had.

He will be in pain.

And just as soon as he gets over it,

he'll get another shot.

It's time to start another treatment.

He's had too much time 'off' while figuring out our game plan,

and the insurance has approved it all.

So tomorrow he will start.

 As one of our cancer friends said yesterday,

"sometimes you just have to make a call and go with it."

We've made our call.

And I keep reminding myself that if it is too hard,

we have other options.

And we have a Dr. who will listen to us and help us make hard choices.

I am feeling very unsure that this is the route that we should have gone,

and very worried about  Travis.

And the girls.

Every person handles side effects differently,

so I am crossing everything I can cross that this is 

tolerable for him.  And praying that we can find a semi normal

lifestyle again.

I'd like 2013 to be better then 2012.

Is that too much to ask??

 Oh,

And while I'm here-
A big giant thank you to our lovely neighbors and friends who take such

good care of us.

We are being fed delicious dinners once a week,

(my kids are getting used to all this home cookin!)

We have yet to have to shovel our driveway.

We've been showered with love the past few years,

and we are still so grateful to everyone for understanding

just what we need, and for always caring.

Thank you.

Wish us luck!