Sunday, January 13, 2013


For the past million years that Trav's been fighting,
(OK, only 7. Whatever. Feels like MORE.)
I've been scouring the Internet for resources,
information, and actual people who are facing our same battles.

I've found a few message boards where people
discuss how they combat side effects,
clinical trials, and what they might do in your situation.

Some of these people know more then a lot 
of ONCs out there.  They are a smart, knowledgeable group,
 these RCC patients.

At first, I became obsessed with these boards,
and with each new update, or email,
I would read with a thirst. 

It wasn't good for me, or us.
There were too many deaths.
Too many really bad side effects.
Too many abnormal situations.
And I found myself thinking 'what if' way too much.

So I have stayed away.
Maybe that makes others in our situation find me a little naive
and not the best advocate for Travis, 
but to be a good mom, and wife, I have had to learn to trust
in our doctors, and our feelings about the drugs we were gonna use.

Last night,
for the first time in a few years,
I found myself searching these boards and sights again.
I just needed to know more about what we are facing when tomorrow comes.

I've learned not a lot of people are on this group of drugs
together.  And I've learned that interferon is gonna
be even tougher then we thought.
One person has compared her side effects to IL-2.
And another has said it will feel like the worst flu he's ever had.
He will be in pain.
And just as soon as he gets over it,
he'll get another shot.

It's time to start another treatment.
He's had too much time 'off' while figuring out our game plan,
and the insurance has approved it all.
So tomorrow he will start.
 As one of our cancer friends said yesterday,
"sometimes you just have to make a call and go with it."

We've made our call.
And I keep reminding myself that if it is too hard,
we have other options.

And we have a Dr. who will listen to us and help us make hard choices.

I am feeling very unsure that this is the route that we should have gone,
and very worried about  Travis.
And the girls.

Every person handles side effects differently,
so I am crossing everything I can cross that this is 
tolerable for him.  And praying that we can find a semi normal
lifestyle again.

I'd like 2013 to be better then 2012.
Is that too much to ask??

And while I'm here-
A big giant thank you to our lovely neighbors and friends who take such
good care of us.
We are being fed delicious dinners once a week,
(my kids are getting used to all this home cookin!)
We have yet to have to shovel our driveway.
We've been showered with love the past few years,
and we are still so grateful to everyone for understanding
just what we need, and for always caring.

Thank you.
Wish us luck!


Watkins said...

I hope Travis will do well with this treatment. I hope so much that he will be spared the bad side affects of the Interferon. Dennis had Avastin for a year and did well on it, no serious side affects. Our thoughts and prayers are with all of you!

Trisha said...

I am always thinking and praying for you guys. Loves!

Eileen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Eileen said...

Dear Friend.
I love reading your words. Even though it is NOT FAIR that you have to write about such things, but you should really consider journalism as a career. You have a way.
I hope this drug is kind to Mr. T. I will pray for that specifically.
I love you. And Mr. T.

Karren Family said...

We wish you all that you hope and pray for! Our prayers will only strengthen what you both already have! Miracles do happen, I've seen them! They may not happen to everyone with every disease, but I believe we have to believe in the hope that miracles do exist and may come our way! Travis you stay strong, your strength outweighs your fears, you can get through this.Hayley, your strength must come from the faith you have and you show it well. What an amazing women and mother you are. Keep walking on this journey...your Father in Heaven will walk along beside you.

Brittney said...

I'm crossing all I can cross too!

Mortons Love said...

Oh man! I hope he's a exception and the side effects are bearable!! You are both beyond awesome!! I know what you mean about message boards and blogs. I have to stay away. It's too hard and it affects my mood too much. I've made a similar decision (though we are fighting different things) that to be a good mom and wife, I have to stay away!! Big hugs!!!

Bryon Gundersen said...

I know you through the wonderful blog, and also your wife. Me and your brother in law were in the same mission together(that is a whole story I can get lost in). Anyway I visited your house when your wife was there and we were wondering if you would be around for me and my wife to come back? Anyway keep the stiff upper lip, and I know you can do it!!