{Answers}

Thursday Travis goes in for his 88th treatment.
88.
It's a big number.
88 awful Thursdays.

We just hate Thursdays around here. If I could tell them where to go, I would.

Being Kidney Cancer Awareness Month, I've had it on my mind even more then usual. I've been checking the KCA page on Facebook daily, and am in complete awe of how many people this disease has affected, and how many lives it has changed.

It has most certainly changed ours.

Bear with me while I answer a few ?'s.

These ones are from my mom. I love my mom and am grateful for her feeding us whatever Trav is craving on Thursdays. She's good people.

Why does Travis act so healthy and happy, when I know he never feels good?

I'm not really sure how to answer that question. Travis most definitely doesn't tell people when he's not feeling well, and half the time he doesn't even tell me. I think Trav doesn't like the fuss of people worrying about him. And I think that if you let the cancer seep into every part of your life, it wins. So he pretends he feels good all the time, and life feels a little more normal because of it.

How do you both stay so strong and have so much faith and strength? How do you manage to do so much service for others when you are going through so much yourselves? What can we as a family do to support you more?

Mom, how do you expect me to answer these??

1) We aren't really that strong, and at moments you could call us flat out wusses. And I think we don't have near enough faith and strength.
2)We don't do near enough service, and feel like we could spend a lifetime trying to payback those who have shown us what service really is. We are very well taken care of and have some pretty amazing people on our side!
3)You could buy me lots of clothes. That would really help me out. :)
Really though, we have everything we need, and are thankful for all our family does for us!

Why hasn't Travis lost his hair?

Travis is currently on a chemo/immunotherepy drug called Torisel. It is injected just like a normal chemo through a port, but luckily the side affects don't include him losing his hair. We are pretty grateful for that.

How does Travis still work?

Trav's gets his treatments on Thursdays, and that is usually the hardest day but by Friday he isn't near as tired, but has some chest pains and headaches. He is lucky enough to have a job where he can work in his own area and enjoy the quiet. They treat him pretty good there and can tell when he isn't feeling his best and just leave him alone. I'm always pretty amazed at what a hard worker he is, and am so thankful that that is yet another thing he does for our family.

How exactly does a treatment go?

We just love the cancer center in Logan where Trav gets his treatments. Because he has been going there for so long, he knows the Doc. and the nurses pretty well. They know that he has left work to be there, and they do their best to get him in and out as quickly as possible.

He has a port in his chest that they hook the IV up to. He first gets a bag of benedryl. (This combined with the medicine makes him exhausted)! Once that is all dripped out, he gets his Drug injected. Usually he's there for about 2 hours. The Chemo room is a pretty big room there with 10-12 beds in it, and people hooked up to each one. (And most the time they are much older then him). Sometimes he listens to them and chats with them, but most of the time the benedryl kicks in and he just sleeps through it all.

Thursdays are most definitely the hardest day of the week. He comes home exhausted from the drug treatment and the benedryl. Usually his mouth is really swollen, and he gets pretty bad headaches, chest aches, with the occasional stomach pains.

I'd say for Travis the side effects are awful, but so is going to the cancer center weekly. He hates seeing so many sick people in one room, and some of them just look worse every week. As much as he loves the staff there, it's still a really depressing this to see week after week.

And for me it's hard to send him there knowing that for most people they have an allotted amount of treatments and then they are done, but for Trav, they are endless. He just gets to go for as long as they are working. (Which I pray is a long time!)

What do you need most right now?

Again, we really have all we need, but thanks again to the so many of you who are always doing such wonderful things for us. We are so blessed.

What is the hardest part?

That is a very loaded question, and I can think of like 30 answers right off the bat. In all honesty, it's all hard. (And forgive me if the whining really starts here).

Facing stage 4 cancer, with pretty awful statistics, makes your future pretty unsure. When we were first married we'd make plans for things we'd want to do "in 10 years" or "someday", and it's really, very hard to not be able to do that anymore. We feel a sense of urgency, like we need to fit our whole lifetime in right away. And it's just not possible to do that, but it's also really hard to stop trying.

(Am I making sense here?)

We've had to really think of things that I don't think any couple should have to do for many years to come. Talk about things that we just shouldn't have to talk about yet. And it just plain sucks.

So I guess the answer is really just the unknown of it all is the hardest part. But I'd also say that this answer changes daily. It's always different.

Do your daughters understand?

For us, it's been pretty hard to find the line of what they should know, and shouldn't know. They know Daddy has cancer, but they have no idea how scary it is. Just yesterday Adyson looked at Trav's orange bracelet and said "Dad, do you know what's worse then cancer? Waking up sooo early for school is way harder then cancer." We had a good laugh over that! They know that Thursdays they need to behave, and know that Dad's a little more tired then normal that night, but they still climb all over him and treat him like same ol' dad. And that's such a good thing! They don't treat Trav like hes sick, and remind us daily how important it is to just. live. And it's hard to feel too crappy with them around.

I think if things change with scans, and as time passes by, they will know what they need to know, but for now Dad is just Dad. We like it that way.

We as always, are so thankful for the continued blessings we receive daily. We have friends and family who are always here for us, and know that many of you are praying for us. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts for fighting our battle right along side us. Sure love you all!

Did you know...

March is Kidney Cancer Awareness month?

Well, now you do. Awesome.

We even bought some fancy orange wristbands with a "Travstrong" logo to prove it.

Also awesome.

I've been thinking of how I can make people more aware of this yucky stuff that seems to rule our lives. Knowledge is power, right?

I thought about giving you simple facts about kidney cancer, but every time I try to write this post it just sounds boring. (Is it wrong to admit that?)

Instead, I've decided you get to ask the questions. I think this is a great way to get people to be more educated about this cancer.

So, either e-mail me at hayley429@hotmail.com, or ask in the comments section and make your name anonomys, and I will answer anything. I'll even research the answer if I don't know it. (That's love people.)

Your question can be anything cancer related from why in the world Trav looks so healthy to what treatment days are like, Just don't ask anything too wierd...

We are officially open books.

(I'm a little scared that this is gonna backfire and you all will be too scared to ask. Don't leave me hanging friends.)

To read more about Kidney cancer go here. www.kidneycancer.org

Rambling.

Have you noticed that we tend to just ignore this blog? I think it's a pretty good metaphor mirroring how we deal with T's cancer. We like to just let it sit in the back of our minds, but don't like to stir things up too often. Call it denial if you will, but we like it this way! ;)

Just remember. No news = Good news.

Since my last post things have been going pretty well. Trav's back pain was pretty unbearable for a while there till they figured out what was going on. Since he only has 1 kidney he has to be careful with the pain meds he is taking, so the Doc. prescribed him some Celebrex.

You know Celebrex right? It's the commercial that is chuck full of old peeps.

We just laugh. But, it has helps and for that we are so thankful!

The last few weeks I've been reflecting quite a bit on the journey we've been on in the last few years. I've stumbled on to a lot of blogs of others who are facing a cancer battle of their own, and it always sends little pictures in my mind of moments we've experienced because of this trial. I remember clear back to the first diagnosis going from thinking he had an ulcer, to learning he has a massive tumor in his kidney, to his kidney being removed all within 2 weeks. I've looked back to that brief moment in time when we thought the cancer was completely gone, and had a few years of "normalcy" before it returned. And when I think back to those times I realize that even then we were completely changed. It's one of those things that I just can't explain, and cannot begin to describe.

I remember the feeling of complete despair the day we found out it came back, and came back with a bang. And when I look back on those first few months I wonder how in the world we've made it to the happy place we are in now.

Really, right now we live life with cancer clear at the back of our minds. Sure, we have days where it is there, but we've learned to find a beautiful balance of normalcy. We have a really wonderful life together, and have learned to accept our future whatever it may be, but we wont let this effect our present. We are too busy cherishing our little ladies, and spoiling them rotten. We are to busy sleeping in Saturday mornings, snuggling in front of the fire while watching American Idol, and getting fired up at each other over board games.

I get scared that we are at this point, because it seems that whenever we get used to "life" again, somehow, something comes along and knocks us down, but it sure is nice to come together as a family, and let that be our focus.

I'm so thankful for those of you who have been here for us to help us find our groove. I'm not naive enough to think that our lives will always be full of this balance we have acquired. I know that our future has a whole lot of unsure holes in it, and I know that I may fall apart many times ahead, but for right now, life just feels so good!

Trav's doing good and we have another month before scan time rolls around, so I imagine I'll continue to ignore this blog till then. (It's for the best, do you see how much I ramble once I start?)

Thanks for all the continued prayers, and the buckets of love.

You are stellar friends. (And, btw, I love the word Stellar.)

A scare.

Last week Travis started having some pretty bad lower back pain. It persisted through the whole week, so when he went in for his treatment on Thursday he mentioned it to his doctor. The doctor said it could be just a pulled muscle (fingers crossed), but it possibly could mean that his cancer has spread to his spine.

Friday Travis went in for an x-ray in the afternoon, and we spent the weekend terrified and waiting.

I wish there was some way I could explain the anguish of waiting for results this big. This life changing.

If it had spread, that would mean the treatments that have miraculously been working thus far, have stopped.

It would mean that once again, we'd have to start brand new in figuring out how to deal with this awful disease, and I don't really think emotionally, (I) could handle it.....

But, after waiting all weekend with visions of doom, we learned that Travis has arthritis in his spine, or degenerative spine disease.

We don't know much about it, but what we've found out by looking on line is that it is just gonna cause him pain (more pain. Poor Travis), and sometimes it will flair up, and others he wont feel it at all.

We are so relieved that the cancer hasn't spread. And I find it a bit sad and pathetic that we are all so happy that he has arthritis.

Over the weekend we had so many people praying for us, and so many people fasting for us. I can't tell you how very blessed we felt. We have beautiful friends with big old hearts. You all mean the world to us.

Thank you.

Travis is thinking of starting a pool: Which body part will fail him next? (He said it jokingly..)

Results

The Doctor's office closes at 12:30 on Friday's, so Travis went and picked up the results from the Hospital and read them himself...

As far as we can tell, things are looking pretty good! The spot on his rib grew a tiny bit, but it seems everything else is the same. If the Doctor says something different on Monday, I will update the blog.

Thanks again for thinking of us, praying for us, and being there for us. It's humbling to have so many people looking out for you.

Friday....

Hey all,

Start Praying.
Crossing your fingers.
And your toes.
Fasting, if you wish.
Thinking happy good thoughts.
Wishing, silently and out loud.
and if you have a lucky underwear, wear them.

Cause it's scan time again.

Friday.

Because of some scheduling stuff, instead of 3 months since his last one, it's been 5. I'm a little nervous. Were hoping to see results Friday afternoon, but if not, after a VERY long weekend, we will get them Monday.

Either way, we will let you know.
Thanks in advance for those of you who are taking my list above seriously. We appreciate you all!

I hope I win.

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