Cancer.is.awful.

Last night as I was settling down for the night, checking blogs, e-mails, and catching up on celebrity gossip, I got an e-mail that a friend's daughter, who is only 4, has just been diagnosed with AML Leukemia.

I just sat here and cried and ached for my friend. Then cried some more.
I hate cancer. Really, I do.

I've been thinking none stop about this nightmare that they are facing. Thinking about my kids, and just wanting to squeeze them. Thinking about my friend, and just knowing how much she must ache watching her child go through this. It is so unfair, and so wrong. So wrong.

I also thought a lot about what we went through those first few days after finding out about Travis. I thought of the shock, the sadness, and the fear. Some of it's really blurry, like I don't remember cooking, or eating for that matter. I don't remember getting my kids ready or entertaining them at all. But I will never forget sitting in the Doctors office hearing the news. I remember what I was wearing. I remember the snow, I remember being embarrassed because I hadn't done my make-up yet, and I remember telling my family and friends.

I relived that in my mind last night, and felt that pit it my stomach because I know that a friend is experiencing this same thing, though maybe worse because it's her child. Her baby.

And then I thought about what's going on in my life now. We are in the same situation we were 2 years ago when Trav's cancer returned. Treatments every week, scans every 3 months, blah blah blah, but somehow those feelings have (maybe not disappeared) but lessened. Why? How have we gone from those awful feelings we first had, to feeling normal again?

I realized it's because we have had so much support. So many prayers sent our way. We have friends who help when we need them by bringing dinner, mowing the lawn, or just being here to chat. Friends who let us cry when we need to, and complain when we need to. Friends that help us laugh and help us forget. And we've have had so much time to digest it all.

So tonight I first want to say thank you again to our friends. Till last night I hadn't realized how much we've healed in the past 2 years, and I think that we owe you all for that. We are very, very blessed. And second, I want you to add my friend and her family to your prayers. I pray that her family has the support that we have had while they fight their fight, because it helps so much. No one should have to watch their child experience something so awful, and I hope with all my heart that their family will experience some of the beauty we've felt, while they are going through this hell.

(I'm not sure if they want the world to know their business, so I will keep their names to myself for now, but please, remember them today.)

Oh, and for those of you who come here to check on Trav, he is still plugging away. His treatments are still weekly, and he has found that taking 5 hour energy on treatment day actually helps a bit. (who knew?) His mouth has been swelling a bit still, but the cankers aren't as frequent. A new addition to his side affects have been pretty bad chest pains Thursday nights and Friday days. He still has a great attitude, and I still dig him. I'm thinking a scan her in a few weeks, so we will let you know.

Relay For Life

Friday night our little fam went to the Relay For Life at USU. We've been invited to attend for the last few years, and either because we've been busy, or ahem, just ignoring and pretending cancer isn't a part of our lives, we have yet to attend.

This year we sucked it up and realized that yes, we are part of the club.

I wasn't expecting it to be quite as emotional, and empowering as it was. The field was covered in tents, people were everywhere wearing their team shirts, and their purple survivor shirts. Care givers were there with their loved ones showing support. And so many people were there just to show they cared.

Amazing.

After a lovely speech given by a girl about her battle with cancer (she couldn't have been older than 30), the cancer survivors, all donning their purple t's, gathered at one end of the track, and the caregivers gathered at the other, and they met in the middle.

This was beautiful, sad, fabulous, a bit of awful, and beyond memorable all rolled into one.

Beautiful to see so many survivors. Every age, many sizes, and I'm sure, many types of cancer. It just gave me hope.

Sad to see so many there. Don't get me wrong, I know it's great to see so many survivors together, but it's also so sad to see just how many people have been affected by it. Just.so.sad.

Fabulous to see so many people surrounding the track, tears in their eyes, clapping and cheering for those who have battled though it. As we walked the track together, I couldn't help but feel the love of those cheering. It's very obvious that these are people who have gone through, or are currently going through what we are dealing with. People who really understand the highs and the lows. Amazing (Yes, I said it again, but I have no other words.)

And Awful to see so many children there. I can't imagine. Awful to see so many people who are still fighting, and obviously not feeling 100%. It just made me ache for so many people there.

And Memorable. Travis seemed to tower over the people he was walking with (not to mention he was the only one in blue because he hadn't changed his shirt yet) and I could see him coming down the track from the start. My heart was chuck full of love for him right then. I will never forget watching him walk with so many who have beaten the disease he has. I felt (and still feel) so very proud of him.

Here's a few pics of the night.

Trav and the ladies finishing the survivor/care giver walk. They do take mighty fine care of him if you ask me. :) Do you spot Adyson and I? Trav and Sienna are behind us a bit. Notice all the people clapping on the sidelines.

And don't you think he just looks SEXY in purple?

I'm just sayin'

We joked that his shirt should say surviving, instead of survivor.

And here's the whole fam.

Results

I am happy to report that things are still looking stable...Wahoo!
There is a very small amount of growth in the rib, but nothing to be concerened about.

We are pleased and ready to celebrate our 4th now. I hope your weekend is full of fun!

Oops..

They rescheduled the scan for Wednesday afternoon. I imagine we wont see results till Thursday.

That just gives you all more time to pray. ;)

Tomorrow...

...is yet another scan.

Blah.

Wish us luck, and wish us shrinkage!

Results

The mets in his lungs have stayed the same.
The spot on his rib has grown a tiny bit, but nothing that concerns them.
The spot on his kidney has grown, but again, just barely, and nothing that concerns them.
And I think the spot on his liver is the same.

We are happy that the treatments continue to work, and so grateful for all your prayers! I'd be happier if there wasn't any growth, but we take what we can get!

FYI

I just wanted to let everyone know that Travis has his scan set for Tuesday morning.

This should explain me screening phone calls, being extremely emmotional, and living in my sweats.

I'm feeling a wide variety of emotions that range from terrified to optimistic and hopeful. It seems sometimes that we get used to this, and then scan time comes and the severity of what we face hits us head on again.

And if your wondering: it sucks.

Feel free to send happy thoughts and prayers in this direction. We sure feel them.

Have I mentioned how much we appreciate our friends and family?

We do. Thanks to all.