Waves.

How do I even begin describing our life right now?

It's strange.  And at times completely unreal.  And at times completely normal.

Does that make sense?

No?  I know.  But that is how it is.

We go through a completely normal day...

Trav works.  The ladies go to school.

I bake cookies and clean and do laundry and homework.

And then Trav gets home and he's pretty exhausted.

So we spend time together at home....being completely lazy.

Eating dinner in front of the TV like complete couch potatoes, 

and letting the kids play outside...

they forget to shut the door and the crisp air comes in and our

house feels warm and cozy.

The ladies are ever Trav's champions.

They grab him water when he needs it.

Or a warm blanket if he's cold....

They worry and cry and say the sweetest prayers,

and then they are off being young again and 

distracting themselves by being lovely little girls.

Just as it should be.

They are a breath of fresh air and a reminder that 

God loves us.  Because they are so special.

The way we love our kids, there aren't words to express it.

 

In my head for the past few weeks has been a song by Greg Laswell called comes and goes.

Really, it's not the whole song....but just the lines in the chorous-

"It comes and goes in waves".

That describes it perfectly.

 

It hits rapidly-and hurts.  And then we have to push it back.

We refuse to cry and complain for the time we have.

I mean...at least the entire time.

We will make memories together.

And watch the same mind numbing TV shows.

We will eat our favorite takeout and Trav will still win

at Settlers of Catan.

And when I tuck him in at night it will hurt for a bit again.

It's all very bittersweet.

 

But for now,

life goes on.  

And we are gonna enjoy it while we can.

I wish we didn't have to,

but we can do hard things.

We are incredibly thankful to our lovely family 

and our amazing friends and support system.

We are always so taken care of.

 

 

  Last night yet another event was held in our honor.  Travis wasn't feeling well, and I didn't want to leave him home alone for too long, so I was only there for an hour....but my heart was so full.  Seeing so many people who love Travis all in one room just makes me feel so blessed.  Our family has been able to survive, and live a really normal life because of the generosity of others.  We've been able to pursue chemo's that wouldn't have been an option financially, because others have sacrificed for us.  We've been able to enjoy our time together and make a lot of memories due to the kindness of so many people.  All Travis has been able to think of in the past few weeks is our future.  How to make sure we can survive without him.  He wants to make sure we are taken care of.  I just want to let those who have continually helped us, and to my dear friends who put our latest event together, that it has helped to ease Trav's mind.  Thank you all for always supporting us.  The last 5 years have taught us so much about love and service. I know that in the future, my season is changing...and I sure hope I can pay some of this love forward.

Warrior.

For the past 5 years Travis has been a warrior.

He's done 6 different chemo's.

And not chemo's you get monthly,

but weekly or daily.

He's experienced extreme fatigue.

Nausea.

Stomach Ailments.

Many aches and pains.

Mouth sores,

Throat cankers,

Odd rashes,

and insomnia.

Kidney failure.

Many hospital stays.

Through it all he has worked full time 

(Most of the time).

He's been the best dad.

I'm sorry, but I'm positive there is none better.

He's been the most supportive husband.

He's provided for us.

Made us laugh daily.

Bought us ice-cream.
Made us watch football.

Yelled at every soccer game/dance recital.

Been patient when I ask "Does my hair look ok?"

(Cause, really, he doesn't care).

Through it all we have wondered when we would

run out of drug options-and prayed for many miracles.

And we've had a few.

But that time has come.

Our most recent scan shows a pretty sizable amount

of growth, in pretty much all of the current areas his cancer lies.

We've exhausted all of our treatment options.

Yes, there are a few drugs we haven't tried,

but they are pretty much in the same drug type as ones we've used,

so the chances of them working are nil.

We've prepared for this.

We've known it would come,

but man,

it sucks.

There isn't an eloquent way to put it.

It sucks real bad.

We are going to try to enjoy what time we have left.

We know there isn't enough of it,

but we are gonna do our best to spoil each other while we can.

 We are gonna do our best to remind our kids,

every single day,

that while they may not always have a dad here with them,

they had a dad who fought like hell to be with them as long as he could.

Last week Travis and I celebrated our 11th anniversary.

Today-I am reminded how honored I am to have been able to be by his side

and his partner while he fights.  I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat.

We appreciate our TRAVSTRONG family who has supported us 

so much through it all.  We love you.