Happy New Year?

Bronchitis has hit the Johnson side of the family. I mean really hit us. My dad, Cody, Amy, Heather, Jody, Brielle, Kutter, Me, and Travis too. (And I think Sienna may be starting it as well.) It is no fun for any of us, but especially not for T.

Today he coughed so hard that he broke his cancerous rib. I'm sure it was so weak due to the tumor that it just snapped. And he is in a whole lot of pain.

We spent the afternoon at the ER. The Dr. there said usually with a broken rib you just wait and eventually it will heal itself, but they aren't sure if it will heal at all due to the crappy cancer. We will talk to his Dr. tomorrow to see what he thinks. Till then he is doped up on percocet and I am doped up on lortab.......has anyone seen our kids? (I'm kidding).

At least we were all healthy through Christmas! Wish us luck and wish Travis a pain free night!

No News. Happily.

Maybe this blog wasn't such a good idea, I don't really have anything new to add to it! But hey, no news is good news, right?

We are really enjoying the Holiday Season without cancer looming over us. Last year it was always there, but this year, we are forgetting about it and just enjoying every second!

Travis doesn't have a treatment for the next 2 weeks, and we are all very happy about it! He hopefully will be canker free, and will be able to feel %100 throughout!

I hope you all have a great Christmas! We sure appreciate all of you who read this, and those of you who are always praying for us. We love you!

Results

Just wanted to quickly let everyone know that the treatments continue to work. There wasn't any shrinkage, but at least everything stayed the same!

We are now ready to celebrate Christmas!!

Thank you.

Where do I begin? Bear with me, I have a point. I'll get there eventually.

Next Thursday marks 1 year since Trav's cancer has returned. For the last week it's all I've been able to think about. I've been trying to think of ways to celebrate one more year of life for Travis. And I think he should be awfully proud of himself. He drags himself into the Cancer center week after week, and his body is tired. I wish I could express how thankful I am to him for doing it with such an amazing spirit.

I love him.

Today travis has a treatment, and then afterward set up his scan for Monday. And I've been a bag of tears all day long. I'm terrified. Last year at this time, the news was not good. I really need it to be good!! I've been running on empty for the last few days, and have felt blue and nervous all at the same time. You'd think that we would be use to this, but I'm not.

I had a big church party tonight for my calling in the ward. It's taken a lot of work, and I've stayed up hours to late each night trying to get myself organized. I don't think I've ever felt so worn out, physically and emotionally. I got home around 9:00, put my jammies on, and sat around in my messy house not wanting to move. Feeling a bit empty inside.

And then a dear friend came over to drop off a very generous gift for us, and I wish there was some way to say thank you. Cancer makes every aspect of life hard. We wonder daily how long his treatments will last. We pray nightly that "daddy will get better". We hope. We cry a lot, still, even after a year. We get angry. We pay medical bills. Travis feels tired. I worry. And through all the bad stuff, we are always looking for the good stuff. And it seems that most of the time we can find it in bulk. Most of the time we are thankful for the little things we have. We realize how lucky we are that we have a beautiful home, and two overly happy little girls. But today was one of those days for me, when all I could see was the bad. This gift touched my heart more than I will ever be able to say. It made me remember how blessed we are, how loved we are, and how many people are there to support us. Once again, our home was full of Christmas spirit tonight, and my heart was softened. I still can't hold in the tears.

Thank you. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you! You will never know how much you have helped, and could not have picked a better day to remind me how loved we are. I don't feel that this is Thank you enough, but I hope you all know how much it meant to us. There should be more people like you in this world.

Thank you.

40

Today Travis had his 40th treatment. Ugh. 40.

He is still doing pretty good, and hopefully this weeks treatment doesn't change that. *Thinking happy thoughts and zero cankers...*

He spoke in church on Sunday and I wanted to write a bit on what he spoke on. There is a woman who Trav has met at the cancer center. She got into a car accident a few years ago and is now a paraplegic. And now she is battling breast cancer. She comes in weekly for her treatments, in her wheel chair. She has no strength, she is losing her hair, and she is exhausted. Travis says she is always smiling, and has a great attitude.

I can't even begin to imagine.

So yes, we hate that today he had is 40th treatment. (And I've told him he has HUNDREDS more to go), but we are constantly reminded that there are many, many people who have it worse. We hear their stories often, and Travis meets these new amazing people every week, and we are constantly amazed at some people strength, and the examples they set for us.

This is me finding a silver lining. :)

Update

I suck at updating this thing! But just remember no news is good news!

Since our last update Trav has been in for 2 treatments, (one being done today), and he is feeling pretty good. The cankers have been much less aggressive and his ribs haven't been hurting near as much as well, and we really can't complain.

In December we hit our 1 year treatment mark, what a long year!!!! I am trying to talk Trav into letting me do something fun with him to celebrate. I think he deserves a party or something, being that he has been so amazing this last year! He thinks I'm weird for wanting to throw him a 1 year of cancer mark, I look at it as 1 year of life...but I guess I'm the optimist.

Any ideas for a fun cancer treatment party??? I'm at a loss. Seriously. Ideas?

Treatment Day

Trav went in for another treatment today, and came home exhausted. Before each treatment he gets a bag full of Benedryl injected into him, and boy does it make him tired! He goes back to work and gets through the day (very groggy), and comes home ready to relax. We take it easy here on Thursday nights!



The cankers have been MUCH much better, and he has actually been feeling pretty good, and for that we are thankful!



On a random note: did anyone watch Grey's tonight? It was interesting to watch them take the kidneys out of their patients, because Travis has had this done. I actually have a picture of Trav's kidney in my e-mail inbox, glorious tumor and all, but can't decide if it is too gruesome to post on my blog....

Anyways, thanks for checking in. We always appreciate it!

I've found...

that our emotions come in waves. Most of the time we are oddly used to what we are facing. We joke about it often. We pull the "cancer card" whenever we can. We are used to weekly treatments, cankers, and everything that comes along with it.

But now and again, oh my, we are flooded with emotion.

I remember it happening once when I was on the phone with my sister. It was a normal day, I was running to Wal-mart (we always call each other on our Wal-mart runs, I think it's our way to feel like we live closer to each other...) and I found myself driving with tears streaming down my face.

I just had to get it all out.

And it's happened many times when we are just home together. I've woken poor Trav up at 2 a.m. before just to because...

I had to get it all out.

And I guess it's needed now and then to find that emotional side, and then get back to normal. It makes us feel closer to those we share those moments with. It grounds us and makes us remember what we are facing, and then life goes back to normal.

But I'm thinking it gets a little embarrassing to get it all out in church.

Yes friends, that happened to me today. And goodness, did I get it all out. And then some.

The lesson was all about trials. And I was overcome with mine. I want to make it clear to those who witnessed my very embarrassing display today, that I wasn't crying a woe is me cry. (well, maybe I was...but just a little). Mostly I was overcome with a few different thoughts. She spoke of looking back on our trials when they are over, and realizing all the good that came out of them. And right then I was able to think of a few good things that have happened to me.

Such as how close I feel to my ward members. I am at home when I am at church. I am greeted by people who I know are praying for us, and who genuinely care for us. I don't know that I would be able to open myself up to them so much, if we weren't facing this.

And I thought of how close I am to my husband. I think we have learned to really appreciate the little things we have. We shrug off silly little things that we maybe would have argued over before. Now I'm not saying we don't have our moments...cause we do, but our marriage is a good one.

And the thing that really got me to sobbing, yes I honestly sat there sobbing, I did the ugly cry. (I'm so very embarrassed), was when she talked of how God only gives us trials that we can handle.

We can do this. We can do this. Somehow we can do this.

I just had to get it all out.

I apologize for the sappy posts once again. It's really therapeutic for me to write it all down, and I feel like someday I'm gonna want to remember it all....

Meet...

Travis. I've given him a guilt trip and told him he really should post something on this blog. I mean, he's the one with the cancer-right. So after much begging and some Cafe Rio Tamales, I talked him into it. He's usually witty and sarcastic, so Enjoy him, and don't take him too seriously! And now you can see yet another reason why I love him so.

First of all if you are reading this I want to thank you for your prayers and concern. It is really nice to have so many people that care.

It is always hard for me to talk about my cancer. I think it is because everyday but Thursday I am in denial. I generally don't like to think about it at all. So instead of writing about how crappy cancer is, I am going to write about the great people that help take care of me.

I just had my 36th treatment today at the Logan Cancer Clinic. It might be a little pathetic that I have kept track of the number, but I can't wait for my weeks off so that makes it easy. Every time I go in there I appreciate how welcome the staff makes me feel. They always call me and everyone else there by name, which is pretty impressive due to the fact that there are a lot of people there (that's a little depressing too but I regress). I can't believe how much each of the nurses remember about what is going on in my life and I can't thank them enough for how great they are. It would be awful to go to the center without them.

I also think my doctor is pretty amazing as well. He also seems to remember everything. I will never forget when he had to tell us that the cancer was back, because I could tell how hard it was for him to break the news. I knew then that he actually cared.

I hope one day we can repay these people for making such a not so great experience better.

I also have to thank my family. Without them I don't think I could do any of this. They are definitely the reason I get up everyday. My girls are awesome. They actually like to look at daddy's scars and are amazed at how my medicine goes into my port when they come to visit at the doctors office. My Hayley is also pretty great. She takes care of me no matter how I feel, and that can vary a lot from day to day. I would definitely be a mess without her.

Anywho I can't complain about my life. I have the best family I could have. They are perfect. I wouldn't change anything if it meant I had to be without any of them.

Hayley speaking now: He's great, no? Here's a little update on how he is feeling now. Last week he got 8, yes 8, cankers and opted not to go in for a treatment because he didn't want to risk getting more. I am more than happy to report that they are finally going away and his mouth is feeling much better. Lets all hope that today's treatment doesn't make them return. The rib is feeling okay too, so we aren't complaining. Thanks for checking in!

Make that...

7.

Ugh.

Wow...

2 posts in one day. Impressive.

Just thought I would add that the running total of cankers today is 5.

How crappy is that?

So if you are a friend of Trav's, and he ignores you, or glares at you, or just wont talk to you-don't take it personally. He is just in pain.

I'm going to come up with a cure for cankers and mouth sores, and be rich.

Welcome...

to the Cancer blog. Hopefully I will be better about updating on how he is doing here!

For the Last few weeks Trav's rib has been hurting pretty badly, making him pretty miserable. He did discuss it with the Doc. and he told us just to watch it and if it seems to get worse we will do another scan. His rib has gone through stages where it aches pretty bad and then the ache goes away, so we are hoping that is what happens this time!

The cankers have returned...sadly enough, and his mouth and tongue are swollen. So right now he isn't feeling top notch. His mouth has been doing really good till the last few treatments, so hopefully he will return to that state again soon.

Other then the same old crappy cankers and sore rib, he is doing pretty good. I always feel so blessed that his attitude is so good. He really is amazing to me!

Thanks for checking in!

More?

To read our whole journey, you can link to our family blog below and tab back to the beginning.

http://haykid.blogspot.com/search/label/Cancer