Last night as I was settling down for the night, checking blogs, e-mails, and catching up on celebrity gossip, I got an e-mail that a friend's daughter, who is only 4, has just been diagnosed with AML Leukemia.
I just sat here and cried and ached for my friend. Then cried some more.
I hate cancer. Really, I do.
I've been thinking none stop about this nightmare that they are facing. Thinking about my kids, and just wanting to squeeze them. Thinking about my friend, and just knowing how much she must ache watching her child go through this. It is so unfair, and so wrong. So wrong.
I also thought a lot about what we went through those first few days after finding out about Travis. I thought of the shock, the sadness, and the fear. Some of it's really blurry, like I don't remember cooking, or eating for that matter. I don't remember getting my kids ready or entertaining them at all. But I will never forget sitting in the Doctors office hearing the news. I remember what I was wearing. I remember the snow, I remember being embarrassed because I hadn't done my make-up yet, and I remember telling my family and friends.
I relived that in my mind last night, and felt that pit it my stomach because I know that a friend is experiencing this same thing, though maybe worse because it's her child. Her baby.
And then I thought about what's going on in my life now. We are in the same situation we were 2 years ago when Trav's cancer returned. Treatments every week, scans every 3 months, blah blah blah, but somehow those feelings have (maybe not disappeared) but lessened. Why? How have we gone from those awful feelings we first had, to feeling normal again?
I realized it's because we have had so much support. So many prayers sent our way. We have friends who help when we need them by bringing dinner, mowing the lawn, or just being here to chat. Friends who let us cry when we need to, and complain when we need to. Friends that help us laugh and help us forget. And we've have had so much time to digest it all.
So tonight I first want to say thank you again to our friends. Till last night I hadn't realized how much we've healed in the past 2 years, and I think that we owe you all for that. We are very, very blessed. And second, I want you to add my friend and her family to your prayers. I pray that her family has the support that we have had while they fight their fight, because it helps so much. No one should have to watch their child experience something so awful, and I hope with all my heart that their family will experience some of the beauty we've felt, while they are going through this hell.
(I'm not sure if they want the world to know their business, so I will keep their names to myself for now, but please, remember them today.)
Oh, and for those of you who come here to check on Trav, he is still plugging away. His treatments are still weekly, and he has found that taking 5 hour energy on treatment day actually helps a bit. (who knew?) His mouth has been swelling a bit still, but the cankers aren't as frequent. A new addition to his side affects have been pretty bad chest pains Thursday nights and Friday days. He still has a great attitude, and I still dig him. I'm thinking a scan her in a few weeks, so we will let you know.